1. |
Deep Dark Sea
04:27
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This sea is deep and dark
And I’m on the ocean’s floor
From here I can’t see the surface
But I hear the rumble of the ship’s roar
They glide along the glassy top
I slog through the weeds and slop
Trying desperately to move forward
Unable to escape the bottom feeders, the pathetically feeble
What’s life like up there?
Sun shining, blue skies
Or just a different struggle
A different way to die
There must be some reason to try and escape this place
But I can’t envision a future without darkness and disgrace
When you live in nothing you feel nothing, and imagine even less
What’s the point in trying, when you feel already gone
And you have no sense of direction,
Can’t tell down from up
You have the sensibilities of a child
With the problems of a crook
And you just wish if only, one thing could possibly work
Maybe some beautiful creature
Takes pity on your soul
Gathers you from your own black hole
And guides you where to go
If only
In this deep dark sea
We chase bubbles that slowly lead to light
But it's all black water now
And my struggles are petty
I can't get behind them anymore
I'm sinking down
Exploring my willingness to kill
While I think of a gentle suicide
Overcasting the perfect rainbow
I wonder what's wrong with me
Not too long ago I stumbled upon true beauty outside the pendulum's swing
It was a place I had once took refuge
Near a potted fern and a sunbeam that was warm
It looked like paradise was on the verge of recognition
I thought,
“Is this it?” I always found it difficult to see since I don't believe in God
My heart raced
I felt well for a moment
A feeling that faded quickly
I later went for a walk
In a cold evening looking for water
I had to know if it was really gone
My moment of glory
I walked for hours
Until I finally found it
There were notes in my pockets that said
“To The Lighthouse, Mrs. Dalloway”
I can't say why it seemed so scary to swim at dawn
But I wanted to peer at the other side with open eyes
My hands were bloody
I thought, let's take a look
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2. |
As He Slowly Breaks
06:01
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Get outta bed on the 23rd attempt
You've got nothing to fear, I don't know why
You drag your feet over every little thing
Find the pain in harmony and the struggle in the plain
You are broken
Finally went to bed on the 45th attempt
I don't know where that God damn day went
I'm not here
And I'm not there
I wanna hang the Reaper but I'm standing on the chair
You are a piece of shit
You are nothing no one loves you
Now you know it
Day in day out gets you no where
Driving fast with eyes closed eyes
Pour another
Drink up feel well
Joys lead to remorse
I'm unhappy since God is a jerk
You are worthless scum
Leaflet magazine hospital's waiting room
Cough and read the nine steps to total fulfillment as your heart crunches up real little
Your investments float away
Your girlfriend's not smiling
It's all so mundane when you don't deserve happiness
What is wrong with you?
Lost my id, I'm so numb
Novocaine drips onto my tongue
This ABC formula seems so flawed
I feel sick all the time
There's something crawling all over me
I couldn't move today so I watched cartoons and drank
This ain't happiness, it's a degrading slur
You are a piece of shit
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3. |
The Goner
01:06
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I have nothing left.
I’ve tried
I’ve tried
I briefly understood suicide
My worry envelops me
Like the water suffocates me
Flowing in
Bearing down
I am lost
I am nowhere
I am broken
I don’t deserve you
I have nothing left.
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4. |
I Love You, But
03:32
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I love you, but
Something's not quite right
I love you, but
I still spend lonely night
I love you, but
You don't think nothing's wrong
I love you, but
We may just have to move on
You keep saying that nothing could make you leave
And I can't help but think that's hard to believe
Stand up for yourself, and have some self respect
When there's never any talking, I don't know what you'd expect
I love you but, that’s four harsh words to say
This relationship’s not black or white, it’s grey
And don’t forget that I’m colourblind
Why’s happiness the one thing I can’t find?
I love you, but
Something's not quite right
I love you, but
I still spend lonely nights
I love you, but
You don’t think nothing's wrong
I love you, but
We may just have to move on
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5. |
Waves Wash Over Me
03:35
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I'm alone and afraid
I looked around
Clouds blocked the sun
I touch the mirror
It touches back
Appear at ease
Until I let go
Another funeral
So crowded
I'm looking well
You're looking pale
You always said
It'd be me
But I'm up hearing
Looking down on you
So cold
So cruel
Young and afraid
Alone in a grave
Can't help but think
It could have been me
As waves wash over me
I never learned to swim
Think it was yesterday
That I thought of you
Drank on the porch
Absinthe and tea
Late in the evening
Gazed into space
Up at the stars
We are nothing but
Snapping fingers
In God's eyes
Never got over
My fear of the dark
Absence ahead of me
It's so frightening
Shiver in bed
All this beauty
Lost its' charm
It's mundane
And I'm ashamed
To feel alone
As waves wash over me
I never learned to swim
Next to the riverside
Mud on my boots
Rocks disappear
Ripples unnoticed
Nothing has changed
Seems nothing will
I understand
Vanity of my life
Drowning the hour glass
With existential dread
Walls of purgatory
Egg shell white
Begin to crack
Now that I can see
I'm not special
It's confusing
Path ahead of me
Leads to nowhere
If that's all there is
What's there to lose?
Waves wash over me
I never learned to swim
A moment to refrain
Gin spritz and psychedelics
The mirror garbles in tongues
"My life has no meaning
Hollow your emotions boy
Because your time is up now"
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6. |
Nihilists, Dude
04:59
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My life is meaningless, and so is yours
In this void of emptiness, we’re often torn
Between the life we’d like to live, and the one that we’ve got
It makes no difference, like it or not
Cause we’re all gonna die, for better or for worse
I could rot out in a field or be paraded in a hearse
Cause once you’ve stared in the abyss it’s hard to look back
Hard to think that at anytime it could all just cut to black
Yes once you’ve stared in the abyss it’s hard to see anything else
I’m worried for me, but I’m scared for everyone else
Sometimes when I’m sitting, I’m thinking all alone
I get visions of the future, of a time where I am gone
And I can’t seem to comprehend, what that’s even like
Then it all consumes me till I get panic attacks to fight
And I’m truly afraid that I’ll never be at peace
I’ve found some happiness in life but what about the void, the final release?
Chorus
feel the existential dread
swirling around in my head
I fear my drop into the void
Spent a lifetime paranoid
Fear something that I won’t feel
But I’m here how can this be real?
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7. |
Jerry
01:08
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An ill husband's belly ache won't subside
"No one understands this pain," he thinks
"I am so alone it hurts"
"I think I'm getting an ulcer," he says though no one hears
His wife's love is fading, he knows it
His children give him no sense of pride
His house is derelict with a leaking roof, black mold hidden in the basement
He makes not enough to provide
He is a broken man who knows about the ocean's deep and the thickness of a tar pit's shallow
He's tired and he wants nothing more
"Good bye, my love," he whispers as he slips away from the dinner table into a dark room
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8. |
Why Mourn The Weak?
05:10
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But that's all it said
As he lay there dead
Belly up, no remorse
Left a fat bloated corpse
Authorities came and went
Where was that note sent?
Poor mother fucker
You're so pathetic
Wife, kids can't believe
All those he left to grieve
Lay in bed all day to cry
Waiting for the nightmare's end
A death in the family
Has ruined a few lives
Poor mother fucker
You're so pathetic
Church bells ring today
His tux pre-worn barely fits
Room is empty, no one shows
Tragedy comes to a close
Hard to feel much sorrow
For a face that fades tomorrow
Poor mother fucker
You're so pathetic
Kin in pain soon move on
Wife tends to a washed up lawn
Children soon forget his face
Poorly bred with bad taste
He's no more than blowing sand
Time to tell where he stands:
"Why mourn the weak?"
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9. |
It Fades
04:38
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I thought I was happy
Lit up a cigarette
Smoked it on the beach
Then I cried in the public restroom
Stranger strokes my hair gently
As I cower in her blouse
Living for a relapse
Peering at the ledge
Driving in the evening
Listen to Nick Cave
I am drunk and lost
Coyote wanders so confused
Meeting rubber and concrete
Hard to feel sympathy
Living for a relapse
Peering at the ledge
When did it get so hard to breathe?
Bury myself in loose dirt
Cosmonaut choke and froze
Tether's snapped, now drift away
Wish I had someone to hold
So I could drag them down
Living for a relapse
Peering at the ledge
Dealing with depression
Psychiatrist questions
Rorschach Polaroid
Keep 'em guessin
They say I got a real life now
It feels so fake to me
I know I'll be sleeping
In the cold tonight
Their love
Will fade
Their love
Will fade
Their love
Will fade
And fade and fade and fade
But I always liked the water
So I went for a swim
The sun it fell to the moon
As the waves moved troubled
What's the point in struggling?
Drown
Drown
Drown
Drown
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10. |
||||
I'm not alone, but I'm still lonely
I told my wife, but she just don't see
What the hell is wrong with me
I'm not alone, but I'm still lonely
I woke up this morning with an ache in my head
As she yelled at me naked over the bed
You got home too late, and you crashed the damn car
If you ain't careful you're gonna die in that bar
You're a shell of the man that you once were
I'd swear you were better, but you just got worse
Please just know that I still love you
I just want you to be careful in all that you do
Cause it would crush me if you ever left
For better or worse, by choice or death
So just don't quit, and neither will I
How'd I get so lucky to have you in my life?
I said how can you love me when I hate myself
I think you're delusional and I need help
So kick me out, then burn me to ash
When you take out the paper throw me in with the trash
Then watch me roll out on the back of that truck
Then Bid me farewell but don't wish me luck
Cause I don't deserve what you've given me
I don't know why you'd stay, but don't want you to leave
Please know how much I appreciate
I just wish somehow I could reciprocate
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11. |
||||
I felt like dying today
And then I was dead
Oh man, I was screwed up
I just wanted to go home
But now I'm dead
And I can't do anything about it
And I wish that I could have said goodbye to so many
But I'm gone
Blowing ash in a desert you've forgotten
Don't forget, it's all over in a snap
There are moments of light that flicker then fade
Though we acknowledge this
We know we are sinking in the deep
We hold onto that light though its' tether is untied
And it yields little solace
These flickering fleeting moments
We wish could last
Don't
Since they cannot
For we exist in a blackened reality mirroring our former selves
We are sick babies with rotten teeth
No longer relieved by mother's milk
We are thirsty and drowning
Aging alone and dying
There is a crowd of well-wishers that will march on
Though their numbers dwindle
You can't see it
You can't see anything
All you can see is yourself
Hating the wrinkles that grow on your forehead
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12. |
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Remember being so depressed?
Swimming in dark lakes outdoors
Placed your head beneath the water
Saw the waning light cease
Remember being so depressed?
Had an 'X' marked on your calendar
Day you chose was sunny and lovely
When you were hungover and alone
Remember being so depressed?
Days so long sleepless beast
TV flickers sitcom pablum
Lose the urge to masturbate
Remember being so depressed?
Certain it’d end real soon
Desperate for an easy exit
Never made much sense really
Oh no
God please
Let me
Feel well
I’m cold
Remember grade school-solitude
So scared you couldn’t cry
Walking in the winter’s night
Discover just how weak you were
Torn between distant parents
Hatred rips your home apart
Mother aims to leave for good
What you’ve done does not help
You’re so tired lips can’t move
“I just, I just want some rest,”
Now you know there’s no one there
Only you, isn’t that sad?
As you shy from all that’s wrong
Lay beneath your wooden desk
Wish you could have altered time
Shrunk the world to a pea
Oh no
God please
Let me
Feel well
I’m cold
Collapse outside that wedding wasted
Allowing dark seeds to sprout
Lifeline saved your broken ass
As you curled up to weep
Now it’s New Year’s-drive home drunk
Sit in silence, clocks roll over
Embarrassed yourself for one last time
It’s not getting better, no
Fear for those close to you
Do they know your scary secret?
Time to truly lose yourself
Close your eyes tick, tick, tick
Accept now your deserved burden
Dive down and pull the plug
Die alone as you knew you would
Feel the cold that’s always present
Oh no
God please
Let me
Feel well
I’m cold
And there’s no one there
The sky is black today
The water’s cold
I am so sick
I am so tired
And I deserve it
Deserve it all
The worst people say about me are not lies
Drinking doesn’t help
But I drink so much
And I look bad today
Feel so much worse
Blank and old
I’m cold, pass me a blanket
I’m cold, pass me a blanket
I’m cold, pass me a blanket
I’m cold
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13. |
Bottom Of The Ocean
01:43
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The Misanthropes Lethbridge, Alberta
A couple of chaps who like to make music with their spare time. One day we aim to tour! We got a van, now we only need the fans to match....
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