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Deep Dark Sea

by The Misanthropes

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1.
This sea is deep and dark And I’m on the ocean’s floor From here I can’t see the surface But I hear the rumble of the ship’s roar They glide along the glassy top I slog through the weeds and slop Trying desperately to move forward Unable to escape the bottom feeders, the pathetically feeble What’s life like up there? Sun shining, blue skies Or just a different struggle A different way to die There must be some reason to try and escape this place But I can’t envision a future without darkness and disgrace When you live in nothing you feel nothing, and imagine even less What’s the point in trying, when you feel already gone And you have no sense of direction, Can’t tell down from up You have the sensibilities of a child With the problems of a crook And you just wish if only, one thing could possibly work Maybe some beautiful creature Takes pity on your soul Gathers you from your own black hole And guides you where to go If only In this deep dark sea We chase bubbles that slowly lead to light But it's all black water now And my struggles are petty I can't get behind them anymore I'm sinking down Exploring my willingness to kill While I think of a gentle suicide Overcasting the perfect rainbow I wonder what's wrong with me Not too long ago I stumbled upon true beauty outside the pendulum's swing It was a place I had once took refuge Near a potted fern and a sunbeam that was warm It looked like paradise was on the verge of recognition I thought, “Is this it?” I always found it difficult to see since I don't believe in God My heart raced I felt well for a moment A feeling that faded quickly I later went for a walk In a cold evening looking for water I had to know if it was really gone My moment of glory I walked for hours Until I finally found it There were notes in my pockets that said “To The Lighthouse, Mrs. Dalloway” I can't say why it seemed so scary to swim at dawn But I wanted to peer at the other side with open eyes My hands were bloody I thought, let's take a look
2.
Get outta bed on the 23rd attempt You've got nothing to fear, I don't know why You drag your feet over every little thing Find the pain in harmony and the struggle in the plain You are broken Finally went to bed on the 45th attempt I don't know where that God damn day went I'm not here And I'm not there I wanna hang the Reaper but I'm standing on the chair You are a piece of shit You are nothing no one loves you Now you know it Day in day out gets you no where Driving fast with eyes closed eyes Pour another Drink up feel well Joys lead to remorse I'm unhappy since God is a jerk You are worthless scum Leaflet magazine hospital's waiting room Cough and read the nine steps to total fulfillment as your heart crunches up real little Your investments float away Your girlfriend's not smiling It's all so mundane when you don't deserve happiness What is wrong with you? Lost my id, I'm so numb Novocaine drips onto my tongue This ABC formula seems so flawed I feel sick all the time There's something crawling all over me I couldn't move today so I watched cartoons and drank This ain't happiness, it's a degrading slur You are a piece of shit
3.
The Goner 01:06
I have nothing left. I’ve tried I’ve tried I briefly understood suicide My worry envelops me Like the water suffocates me Flowing in Bearing down I am lost I am nowhere I am broken I don’t deserve you I have nothing left.
4.
I love you, but Something's not quite right I love you, but I still spend lonely night I love you, but You don't think nothing's wrong I love you, but We may just have to move on You keep saying that nothing could make you leave And I can't help but think that's hard to believe Stand up for yourself, and have some self respect When there's never any talking, I don't know what you'd expect I love you but, that’s four harsh words to say This relationship’s not black or white, it’s grey And don’t forget that I’m colourblind Why’s happiness the one thing I can’t find? I love you, but Something's not quite right I love you, but I still spend lonely nights I love you, but You don’t think nothing's wrong I love you, but We may just have to move on
5.
I'm alone and afraid I looked around Clouds blocked the sun I touch the mirror It touches back Appear at ease Until I let go Another funeral So crowded I'm looking well You're looking pale You always said It'd be me But I'm up hearing Looking down on you So cold So cruel Young and afraid Alone in a grave Can't help but think It could have been me As waves wash over me I never learned to swim Think it was yesterday That I thought of you Drank on the porch Absinthe and tea Late in the evening Gazed into space Up at the stars We are nothing but Snapping fingers In God's eyes Never got over My fear of the dark Absence ahead of me It's so frightening Shiver in bed All this beauty Lost its' charm It's mundane And I'm ashamed To feel alone As waves wash over me I never learned to swim Next to the riverside Mud on my boots Rocks disappear Ripples unnoticed Nothing has changed Seems nothing will I understand Vanity of my life Drowning the hour glass With existential dread Walls of purgatory Egg shell white Begin to crack Now that I can see I'm not special It's confusing Path ahead of me Leads to nowhere If that's all there is What's there to lose? Waves wash over me I never learned to swim A moment to refrain Gin spritz and psychedelics The mirror garbles in tongues "My life has no meaning Hollow your emotions boy Because your time is up now"
6.
My life is meaningless, and so is yours In this void of emptiness, we’re often torn Between the life we’d like to live, and the one that we’ve got It makes no difference, like it or not Cause we’re all gonna die, for better or for worse I could rot out in a field or be paraded in a hearse Cause once you’ve stared in the abyss it’s hard to look back Hard to think that at anytime it could all just cut to black Yes once you’ve stared in the abyss it’s hard to see anything else I’m worried for me, but I’m scared for everyone else Sometimes when I’m sitting, I’m thinking all alone I get visions of the future, of a time where I am gone And I can’t seem to comprehend, what that’s even like Then it all consumes me till I get panic attacks to fight And I’m truly afraid that I’ll never be at peace I’ve found some happiness in life but what about the void, the final release? Chorus feel the existential dread swirling around in my head I fear my drop into the void Spent a lifetime paranoid Fear something that I won’t feel But I’m here how can this be real?
7.
Jerry 01:08
An ill husband's belly ache won't subside "No one understands this pain," he thinks "I am so alone it hurts" "I think I'm getting an ulcer," he says though no one hears His wife's love is fading, he knows it His children give him no sense of pride His house is derelict with a leaking roof, black mold hidden in the basement He makes not enough to provide He is a broken man who knows about the ocean's deep and the thickness of a tar pit's shallow He's tired and he wants nothing more "Good bye, my love," he whispers as he slips away from the dinner table into a dark room
8.
But that's all it said As he lay there dead Belly up, no remorse Left a fat bloated corpse Authorities came and went Where was that note sent? Poor mother fucker You're so pathetic Wife, kids can't believe All those he left to grieve Lay in bed all day to cry Waiting for the nightmare's end A death in the family Has ruined a few lives Poor mother fucker You're so pathetic Church bells ring today His tux pre-worn barely fits Room is empty, no one shows Tragedy comes to a close Hard to feel much sorrow For a face that fades tomorrow Poor mother fucker You're so pathetic Kin in pain soon move on Wife tends to a washed up lawn Children soon forget his face Poorly bred with bad taste He's no more than blowing sand Time to tell where he stands: "Why mourn the weak?"
9.
It Fades 04:38
I thought I was happy Lit up a cigarette Smoked it on the beach Then I cried in the public restroom Stranger strokes my hair gently As I cower in her blouse Living for a relapse Peering at the ledge Driving in the evening Listen to Nick Cave I am drunk and lost Coyote wanders so confused Meeting rubber and concrete Hard to feel sympathy Living for a relapse Peering at the ledge When did it get so hard to breathe? Bury myself in loose dirt Cosmonaut choke and froze Tether's snapped, now drift away Wish I had someone to hold So I could drag them down Living for a relapse Peering at the ledge Dealing with depression Psychiatrist questions Rorschach Polaroid Keep 'em guessin They say I got a real life now It feels so fake to me I know I'll be sleeping In the cold tonight Their love Will fade Their love Will fade Their love Will fade And fade and fade and fade But I always liked the water So I went for a swim The sun it fell to the moon As the waves moved troubled What's the point in struggling? Drown Drown Drown Drown
10.
I'm not alone, but I'm still lonely I told my wife, but she just don't see What the hell is wrong with me I'm not alone, but I'm still lonely I woke up this morning with an ache in my head As she yelled at me naked over the bed You got home too late, and you crashed the damn car If you ain't careful you're gonna die in that bar You're a shell of the man that you once were I'd swear you were better, but you just got worse Please just know that I still love you I just want you to be careful in all that you do Cause it would crush me if you ever left For better or worse, by choice or death So just don't quit, and neither will I How'd I get so lucky to have you in my life? I said how can you love me when I hate myself I think you're delusional and I need help So kick me out, then burn me to ash When you take out the paper throw me in with the trash Then watch me roll out on the back of that truck Then Bid me farewell but don't wish me luck Cause I don't deserve what you've given me I don't know why you'd stay, but don't want you to leave Please know how much I appreciate I just wish somehow I could reciprocate
11.
I felt like dying today And then I was dead Oh man, I was screwed up I just wanted to go home But now I'm dead And I can't do anything about it And I wish that I could have said goodbye to so many But I'm gone Blowing ash in a desert you've forgotten Don't forget, it's all over in a snap There are moments of light that flicker then fade Though we acknowledge this We know we are sinking in the deep We hold onto that light though its' tether is untied And it yields little solace These flickering fleeting moments We wish could last Don't Since they cannot For we exist in a blackened reality mirroring our former selves We are sick babies with rotten teeth No longer relieved by mother's milk We are thirsty and drowning Aging alone and dying There is a crowd of well-wishers that will march on Though their numbers dwindle You can't see it You can't see anything All you can see is yourself Hating the wrinkles that grow on your forehead
12.
Remember being so depressed? Swimming in dark lakes outdoors Placed your head beneath the water Saw the waning light cease Remember being so depressed? Had an 'X' marked on your calendar Day you chose was sunny and lovely When you were hungover and alone Remember being so depressed? Days so long sleepless beast TV flickers sitcom pablum Lose the urge to masturbate Remember being so depressed? Certain it’d end real soon Desperate for an easy exit Never made much sense really Oh no God please Let me Feel well I’m cold Remember grade school-solitude So scared you couldn’t cry Walking in the winter’s night Discover just how weak you were Torn between distant parents Hatred rips your home apart Mother aims to leave for good What you’ve done does not help You’re so tired lips can’t move “I just, I just want some rest,” Now you know there’s no one there Only you, isn’t that sad? As you shy from all that’s wrong Lay beneath your wooden desk Wish you could have altered time Shrunk the world to a pea Oh no God please Let me Feel well I’m cold Collapse outside that wedding wasted Allowing dark seeds to sprout Lifeline saved your broken ass As you curled up to weep Now it’s New Year’s-drive home drunk Sit in silence, clocks roll over Embarrassed yourself for one last time It’s not getting better, no Fear for those close to you Do they know your scary secret? Time to truly lose yourself Close your eyes tick, tick, tick Accept now your deserved burden Dive down and pull the plug Die alone as you knew you would Feel the cold that’s always present Oh no God please Let me Feel well I’m cold And there’s no one there The sky is black today The water’s cold I am so sick I am so tired And I deserve it Deserve it all The worst people say about me are not lies Drinking doesn’t help But I drink so much And I look bad today Feel so much worse Blank and old I’m cold, pass me a blanket I’m cold, pass me a blanket I’m cold, pass me a blanket I’m cold
13.

credits

released April 20, 2019

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The Misanthropes Lethbridge, Alberta

A couple of chaps who like to make music with their spare time. One day we aim to tour! We got a van, now we only need the fans to match....

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